Equations
by NightmareGlitter
Summary: A random fic about Bastion. 4Kids bashing and a math monologue. Onesided parody yaoi. Bastion thinks there is a love triangle BxCxJ. Parody, oneshot, drabble.


-1 Ok, so this is nothing but drabble, really. I just like writing humorous stories. And FYI, I don't hate Bastion, he just annoys me a lot because I hate science and math. I don't like his vague, yet superior attitude, either. And, would ppl tell me why a character has a Japanese last name in the English dub and a British accent? It's funny though, very funny. Anyway, I apologize to Bastion firsthand, prior to any humiliation he might experience. I also apologize to any other character featured in this story, mainly Chazz.

Disclaimer: I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh! GX or Bastion. If I did, Bastion would be writing equations as a professor of sciences and obscure calculus techniques at Duel Academy.

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Bastion breathed deeply as he walked into the classroom. Ahhh, the smell of learning. It was so...so...delicious. He cracked open his new Calculus book and began to study, so he could formulate new equations to help him defeat Jaden.

Speaking of defeat, at that moment, Chazz stepped in the classroom to set his things down. He started to walk out, but not before Bastion seized his arm.

"Excuse me, Chazz," he began in his thick, British accent, "would you do me the favor of telling me if the proper equation for a hyperbola is 'X minus H squared over A squared less than Y minus K squared over B squared equals one or if it is X minus H squared over A squared plus Y minus K squared over B squared equals one?"

"Whaaaaaaat?" Chazz drooled, his brain short circuiting.

Now, mind you, Chazz was not in the least stupid. He had received a perfect score o his math exam for the past five years. That was why Bastion had pulled him aside. Chazz's problem had to do with his attention span. It didn't help that he could hardly understand Bastion. And he was more of a visual learner. Whenever he took an oral test in anything, he usually got a C or D.

"I said," Bastion began, "could you tell me if the equation for a hyperbola is (X-H)2/A2 ---"

"STOP!!!"  
"Oh, right, sorry, ol' chap." Bastion looked quite remorseful, "I rather forgot that you're no good for talkies."  
"What the--Bastion, you'd better start speaking English."

"But, that makes no sense. Why, we live in Japan!"

"Yeah, well, not according to 4Kids. They dubbed out all the original Japanese writing and gave us new names to get rid of any bit of culture. Feh, Americans."

"I know, right?"

"Anyway, at least are dub voices are good. I could never tell who was talking when in the Japanese version."

"Variety and good voice actors are always good." Bastion agreed, nodding solemnly. "However, I do wish I could've kept my old name. Bastion sounds so much like basta--"

"SHHH. Not here."

"Oh, right, they're watching."

"You don't wanna get dubbed out of the show, now, do you?"  
"Oh, well, I have nothing to worry about. They already did that to me at the end of season two."

"That's true." Chazz rubbed his chin thoughtfully.

"Hey," said Bastion with admiring eyes, "you're actually talking to me without being insulting!"

"Umm, that's only because we both hate 4Kids. I mean, they dubbed out as much as they could about religious cults, weapons, firearms, hell, and death. Yet, they still kept Dr. Crowler. So what makes a pedophile better than a demon possessed madman obsessed with a color and tarot cards? And what makes a homo more acceptable to children than three dudes trying to conjure up a spirit and using a Ouiji board? Are they trying to tell kids that pedophiles are ok to approach?"

"I don't know, but I wonder when they'll make me gay."

"Um, Bastion," Chazz said, stepping away a little, "you already are."

"Really? And what makes you say that?"

"Ummm, oh, I dunno, the way you're ogling me right now!"

Bastion kept staring at Chazz's trim, toned body, trying to undress him with his eyes. "Do you want to go to the gym sometime and work out together?"

"Uh, no thanks."

"Oh, poo, you never do anything with me."

"That's 'cuz you weird me out."

"Oh, did I ever tell you?"

"Tell me what?"

Bastion snickered, and blushed from behind his hand. "I-I..." He sighed deeply then continued. "I like you."

"Um, ok-ay. Weird. And?"

"I like you a lot." Bastion babbled, "I _like _you like you. I think you're the bees knees."

"Um, where the hell did you get that term?"

Bastion held up a self-help book entitled _1001 Ways That Say 'I'm Not a Square._

"But, Bastion, your head _is _square. Here, lemme see that." He swiped it and scanned it, making faces every now and than.

"What the--Bastion, this book is copyrighted 1955."

"Oh, dreadful sorry, ol' chap."

"Will you stop calling me that?!"

"NOOOOO" Bastion moaned, seized Chazz's wrist as he tried to leave. "Wait, let's write an equation together..._our _equation..."

"Hell, no." Chazz told him, trying to jerk away from Bastion's iron grip. "Owwie, lemme go!"  
"Are you gay too?"

"No, why?"

"You said 'owwie.' That's so gay."

"Bad pun, Bastion."

"If you're not gay, then why do you keep saying my name?"

"I dunno, maybe 'cuz it's your name and you're hurting me."

Thankfully for Chazz, Jaden entered the classroom.

"Hey, Bastion!" he said cheerfully, "Say, wanna throw down?"

"The only person I want to throw down with is Chazz."

"Huh? Why?" Jaden asked, completely oblivious to the implication, being the cute, clueless slifer he was.

"I mean, I want to get my game on with Chazz, not you."

"Hey, Bastion, that's not fair." Jaden whined, "I was here first."

"Oh, I'm sorry, it's not you, it's me. I'm afraid I just don't like you Jaden."

"You don't?! But, but, but," Jaden stammered in disbelief, his brown eyes wide, "I thought we were bros!"

"Not quite. You don't fit the equation, so to speak. I saw you in the showers at gym. You can't give me enough, I'm afraid. There's not enough of you to give. Chazz on the other hand--"

"Shut up right now or you'll regret it." Chazz snapped, now struggling to free himself from Bastion's death embrace. "You've got some nerve. And don't talk to Jaden like that. Or about him like that. Or, whatever. It's very disturbing."

"I don't get it." Jaden whimpered. "What's going on, Chazz?"

"STAY AWAY FROM HIM, HE'S MINE!!!!!!!" Bastion bellowed, baring his teeth at Jaden.

"Waaa, help!" Chazz screamed as Bastion's muscular arms crushed his ribs. "Don't just stand there, Jaden, get him offa me!"  
"What, there's another!" the delusional Bastion cried, "But, but, but, I thought we had something special, Chazz. Why didn't you tell me you liked Jaden?"

"'Cuz I DON'T!!!!!" Chazz screamed, "But I'm beginning to feel like I hate you more."

"Oh, don't be that way. Here, I'll cheer you up. Once upon the time, there was a quadratic trinomial who became the greatest integer of the stepwise functions. Not only was he of a squared value, he was also equivalent to a cubic binomial that contained a decimal and an imaginary number. After deducting the square root from the estimated value, the function rose to the fourth degree with an graphed outlier that represented the imaginary root i. Once all the values had been ascertained, the coordinates of the graph plotted, and the maximum and minimum calculated, all lived happily ever after on the coordinate plane leading towards infinity. The end."

Chazz and Jaden gawked at Bastion. Then, as Bastion was smiling to himself, mumbling about matrices, Jaden seized Chazz around the waist and tore him from Bastion's bone-crushing, smothering grip.

"WAIT!!!!" Bastion bawled after them.

Jaden and Chazz ran out of the classroom and as far away as they could.

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That was soooo... XP and O.o I didn't understand a word I was saying!!! XD Anyway, hope you liked! FYI, no Chazz and Jaden didn't run off to make-out. They're not gay in this story. Just friends.


End file.
